a) Pretty Boy Floyd is the greatest band of the eighties,
hands-down.
b) The mullet haircut is grossly underrated.
c) Aqua-Net is an essential toiletry.

If you believe any of the preceding statements are true,
 you probably are also known to rock acid-wash jeans.
Made popular in the eighties, these denim monstrosities
are so named for their chemical process that strips
the top layer of pigmentation off to a white surface with
the undertones of the original color remaining in the jeans.
We won’t even talk about the supposed coolness of
coordinating said jeans with a matching denim jacket.
Now, maybe we’re living in an
alternate universe and it’s still fashionable to walk around
looking like a marble composition notebook, but the
chances of that are anorexic at best. Donate your
acid wash jeans to Goodwill…they’ll look great
on the windshield squeegee engineers of the world.